Archive for August, 2008

A little piece of my heart

When having a boyfriend or girlfriend ideally we like to think that we are the only ones that have their heart, but in reality… is that even possible. Ideally it would be nice to say “you have all of my heart” but what does that really mean? I have said ‘I love you’ to three different guys, and I meant it each and every time. Those words are not to be taken lightly, and they weren’t. I truly did love them when I said it, and I even say ‘I love you with all my heart’ that is a little different. What defines all of your heart. All the room that is left in your heart? I honestly can say that I have said ‘I love you with all my heart’ to two guys, and I meant it. I personally think that ‘I love you with all my heart’ = ‘I love you with all the space left in me heart’. Because once you love someone I don’t believe that love goes away. There will always be those little things that you can’t stop thinking about. Or that one time when you realized you loved that person, or the little things. I am a firm believer that the little things add up to be more important than the big things. And even though as life goes on and we date people and break up with them, or as we love someone and lose someone they will always be in our hearts. And as the spaces in our hearts gets filled up we just have to fit the new love into a smaller-ish place. I don’t think that your heart is ever to full for more love. So even though past loves have a piece of your heart that doesn’t make your present love have any less of it. So even though we like to think that we are the only person that they love, it’s not true, they might love their past loves, but that doesn’t make them love us any less. Just make sure that if you say I love you, mean it. Those are not words to take lightly. There will be more on this later.

~Until next time~
L8rz

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Unable To Sleep

Okay, so for the past month plus I have not been able to sleep until like 3 or 4… sometimes later. Not really sure why, that is just how its been going. I have done everything I can think of to keep busy and tonight I have ran out of ideas. Don’t ask me what I have been doing, its really nothing at all, just looking around my room, being entertained by a rubber binder for like 5 hours, stupid things like that. But now I can’t find anything to keep me entertained. Not even a paper clip! It is very sad. I can’t sit still to read a book I can’t really sit and do anything. Even doing this is kind of irritating, I just don’t know what else to do. Grrness! My arm is really restless. It is kinda funny. Reminds me of Donnie cuz it keeps twitching… and so does my leg. Bleh. Stupid restlessness. This started to get really bad when I started having really REALLY bad dreams. I used to have ok one where I would die on something funny (slipping on banana peal or something) and yeah they used to get really bad and brutal but now they have gone up like 15 time worse. I would only be the cause of my own death in like 1 a week maybe, now its almost every night if not more. Like the other night I killed myself by pulling glass out of my side and bead out… well I will just tell the story. lol

I was running at the ALC (its a school that is in flake (Forest Lake) a nice little track that is kinda out of the way of everything else so no one really sees you or bothers you) it was midnight or so and I was by myself when a dark figure started coming towards me so I started to run away from it. (Dark figures are scary). And I ended up by Liz’s house. (Liz is one of my kinda friends, its hard to tell what to actually call her. lol. So I will go with kinda friend kinda not). Well I ran over by her house and got hit by a car, a piece of glass flew into my side and was like 6 inches into my side, and it was bleeding. Liz came out and then called 911, and I said “I will be fine as long as we don’t take the glass out.” (Yes, even in my dreams I am logical) lol. Well my Ex-boyfriend, Evan, walked out of Liz’s house (he has been ignoring me because I started dating my best friend like 2 weeks after I broke up with him… so the silent treatment is deserved… but I kinda feel like its out of spite.) anyways, when I saw him I pulled the glass out and could feel the blood drain from my body.

Its dreams like those that make me want to stay awake.

Then sometimes I have dreams about my boyfriend, Jon, who is at drill right now. Those dreams make me want to go to bed so that I can dream about him, but its hard to compromise with my mind. lol. The dreams about Jon are way better. We cuddle and snuggle and stuff. Sometimes hang out with friends and his family. That is always a blast awake or dreaming. They are great. I love them!

On saturday I went to Devins birthday party, he turned 7. (Devin is Jons sisters son… so Jons nefew). I gave him a transformer. He was really excited about it, so that was cool. He also got a bike for his birthday, that was his favorite thing. After the party (from 3 to 6) I went back to Patty’s house (Patty = Jon’s mom) and talked with her until like 8:30 9ish. That was extreamly fun. I dont know why, I just really like his family. OH! I learned where Jon gets his arumentary side from. She is a hoot. 🙂 I heard many stories about the whole family. And I got to meet his brother Alex. That was exciting. They are a fun family. I took a lot of pictures of the Ann and Don’s baby (Ann = Jon’s sister (the oldest) Don = Ann’s husband and father of Devin(7) and Aden(6 months)) Cliff (Patty’s boyfriend basically husband) was away in a different state with his daughter, Isha, and her two kids, Antwan and Jazzy. I think they were visiting Isha’s mom. Not really sure.

I should really try and go to bed… but I am so not tiered! maybe I will just stretch or something. I am trying to get in shape. lol. WOOT!! –doulbe you-0-0-tea– WOOT!!

Thank you for reading!
~Until next time~
L8rz

MAMMA MiA

Ok, so I went to see MAMMA MiA with my mom and feel madly in love. It was the most amazing movie I have seen in a long time, and I know exactly why. It’s the love story! They play it off as it revolves around Sophie, HA! What a lie! It’s about the mom being with the man she loves! I have seen the play 3 times, and the movie 2 times, and I was adicted to the sound track for a long time. So I know it inside out. 🙂 And I just cant stop thinking about it. There were parts that made me so sad I cried! Like when the mom (I wana say her name is Donna) sings “The Winner Takes It All” Ah it was heart renching, and I loved it! I love sad things. I would talk about it more but I dont want to spoil the movie for anyone. GO SEE IT!! ITS WORTH EVERY PENNY AND THEN SOME!

Thank you for reading!
~Until next time~
L8rz